Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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