Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
