My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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