one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
