why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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