Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
