Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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