I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
