Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
