dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
