My cat gives me a boner
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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