Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
