I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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