You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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