I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
