worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
