I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
