in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize