Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
