You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
