I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
