Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this is an emotional support booty call
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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