Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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