Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
