It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We left the knife in your bed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
