Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
