I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
