Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
