Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
