Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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