Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
