she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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