This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
