Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
