winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
