she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
