do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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