she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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