you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
