If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who died my cat blue again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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