My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize