I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
