puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
