and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a search helicopter?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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