Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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