No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
