At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
