can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
