After last night, I could never be a politician.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
