I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
