I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
