so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's the barista slut.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
