Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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