3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
