ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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