I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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