Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
