then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
