I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
