Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he thought i was a dude.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
