I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who died my cat blue again?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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