And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
did i walk over a car last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
