R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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