Your tits are I can't wait for
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
