Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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