please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
