every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize