12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
