Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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