"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
