I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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