JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
