i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
