is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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