I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
