yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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