He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
