Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I sprained my soul last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
