true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
