What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
