chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
