sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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