it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
