let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
