after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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