She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
