So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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