So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this just has baby written all over it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
