I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
