did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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