Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
