He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize