I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
