Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
